I Swear, I Don’t Hate Feminists


I received a personal correspondence via my blog’s contact form! This is a big deal to me, because it can feel like I’m spewing all the thoughts and all the feels into my posts, but when I don’t see comments or any reaction to them, I start to wonder if I’m talking to myself. (Which is perfectly fine, I just need to know my audience, ya know?)

So the good news is that there is actual life out there reading my sh*t. The “bad” news is that this particular reader didn’t agree with what I wrote.

Please take note of the quotes around “bad” – because while some bloggers strive for 100% agreement and might take silence as tacit compliance with their viewpoint, I myself enjoy a healthy debate on a regular basis. So I was thrilled to have someone disagree with and challenge me. In fact, she was so pleasant and articulate that I am going to post her comment (and my response to it) in its entirety.

(Sorry if this embarrasses you, Maribel)


Hi Carolyn!

First, let me say that I think your concept for the blog is awesome. I love your attitude and perspective on all things female… but, I have one tiny bone to pick with you and it’s not even a bone really, it’s more of a thing I have about people using the word “feminism” in a negative way.

In your About page, you write:

“This site is all about a celebration of female badassery. No, not in the off putting, feminist sort of way. But in the way that women lift each other up when they affect positivity and fulfillment in their lives.”

The thing is, feminism, is exactly what you’re describing! It’s about embracing the badass, good girl, cute, ugly, poor, rich, whatever, woman inside of us and telling the world: enough! I want to be respected as a person, and not reduced to my sex. I think that’s exactly what you’re doing here on your blog, particularly as you highlight working mothers and It Girls. So I guess I was just a little sad when I saw that you wrote: “No, not in the off putting, feminist sort of way.” Because feminism has been looked as a “bad word” for decades, and right now, more than ever, we need women like you, to spread the truth about what feminism really is, and kill that stupid sexist bad rep it’s gotten. Ya dig?

I’m a blogger too, and I commend you for the awesome work you do here. I will be following along, and look forward to your response, because I’d love to hear your perspective on this. I also live is Columbus. You can find my blog at: www.notthecoolgirl.com and I’m also following you on twitter: @Maribel_NTCG. Hope to hear from you soon! 😉

Okay Maribel, here we go…

You’re pretty much completely right. But it would take an immense amount of humility for me to openly admit on my own turf that I am incorrect. So I’ll just say you’re right. 😉

I was making a flippant comment based on my own limited experiences with hyper-aggressive feminists who believed that, to promote the badassery of women, that must come at the detriment of men. This type of feminist states that she seeks equal treatment for both sexes, but what she really means is that they want an unfair advantage for women in every life situation to make up for what they perceive as a lifetime of oppression.

(Side note: it is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people use “equality” as a platform to advance one gender/race/demographic over another. TRUE equality comes when gender/race/demographic aren’t even considered – when you’re gender-, color- or otherwise-blind to the aspects of a human that may be irrelevant to a particular situation)

Now that I think about it, the way that I’ve phrased my “About” page makes me sound like a total feminist hater. (Ugh, I am such a dick.) But, as with any group, it is unfair of me to generalize. There are radicals within any faction – religiously, politically, familially (I think I just made up that word)… and so to that end, I cannot perpetuate a false generalization. It’s completely counter to the whole mission of my blog!


Thanks for the wonderful insight, Maribel. I stand corrected.


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